A reflection on Liam Payne
The complexities of fandom and collective mourning
On October 16th, 2024, Liam Payne, former member of the boyband One Direction unexpectedly passed, leaving many fans completely shocked and confused. If you were conscious during the 2010s, you definitely remember One Direction’s impact on pop culture. Maybe I’m biased as a “former” Directioner (I use the term former loosely since I obviously still love the group, but they no longer exist as a unit and now will never in the same way again), but their impact can’t be replicated and I would be shocked to see anything like it again.
One Direction brought together so many girls and young women. It was the catalyst for many new friendships and it deepened pre-existing friendships too. Anyone who’s been to their concerts can tell you there was a bond between everyone in the audience. It was spiritual, a shared heightened religious experience, and we’ll never have it again, only our memories and the low quality pictures and videos from our iPhone 5s.
I think anyone who wasn’t a teen in the 2010s should be envious of those who were because it was a time to be alive. I wouldn’t play around with time travel because I wouldn’t want to accidentally negatively impact the whole world due to my own stupid selfishness, however, given the chance I might burn it all down and abandon my morals to see One Direction in concert again.
I personally feel confused and upset at Liam’s loss. Whenever a celebrity passes, specifically someone young, there’s a cultural shift. When it’s a celebrity you have a tie to, the pain is particularly sharp. There doesn’t seem like a good way to find out or handle it, especially when it’s unexpected. There’s no way to prepare, unless you spend all your time anticipating what you would do when your favorite celebrity dies, so when it happens it’ll be less painful, but that’s actually crazy and can’t be healthy.
Everyone will forever remember where they were when the news was first broken. I was working, doing God knows what at my desk, probably screwing some needles onto flu shots, when my only similarly-aged coworker ran to me to tell me. First disbelief, I checked whatever news sources I could find since the news was just broken. I was hoping it was a hoax. Immediately Noam Chomsky’s recent alleged death came to mind, and that turned out to be untrue, but still widespread. However, those are two wildly different people to compare. There are a lot more eyes on Liam Payne, which would make the confirmation of anything happening to him much faster. When enough sources broke the news to where I could believe it, I felt an era abruptly end.
Fans all remember when Zayn Malik left One Direction. That’s when the façade first started cracking. One Direction before that basically had a squeaky clean image. Everyone, at least their young fanbase, was under the impression that these five boys were the happiest and best of friends with the best job in the world. This moment was very humanizing and shifted the fandom. Obviously, Liam’s death is more serious, but it’s the same feeling again of not considering something has been bubbling beneath the surface for some time.
Liam Payne was a complicated individual. Majority of those mourning his loss did not know him personally. We’re all collectively mourning the pop star of Liam Payne. We’re mourning his potential. We’re mourning the teenager who auditioned for a TV show, unaware of the impact he and four other strangers would have on the world. We’re mourning his chance for character improvement. I am completely disappointed and disgusted by his treatment of Maya Henry, but I’m of the radical belief that death wasn’t the best option for him. He never had a chance to be rehabilitated and now he never will. Any chance for potential growth has been cut short.
I love One Direction, but admittedly don’t follow the members’ solo careers as closely. I didn’t know about Liam’s history of substance abuse and mental health issues, I didn’t know about his abuse towards his ex-girlfriend Maya Henry, and I didn’t know he had a child with Cheryl Cole, who I’m not going to accuse of anything, however, the origins of their relationship are concerning to me. This information is coming more to light since Liam’s death and none of it is easy to process, especially if you’re just hearing all of these things all at once for the first time. Admittedly, I feel horrible that I did not know any of this ahead of time, but honestly, even if I did, it would not change anything. No fan would be the one to save him, but only himself.
Being part of a fandom is just watching your idols get more and more humanized every day and seeing their flaws come to light until you can’t be exposed to them anymore. You don’t think it will happen, but when it does it’s devastating.
There has been a little bit of a revival in the One Direction fandom, which I am happy to see, despite the circumstances. Women are coming together and rekindling old friendships from when they were girls and reuniting over shared melancholia. Every day I’ve been seeing posts of people reminiscing about their time in the fandom. They make me laugh and make me cry. Even though things have changed, I’m happy the love has always been there.
If you loved someone at one point who also loved One Direction and you need a sign to talk to them, this is it. They probably need it. If you’re struggling with your mental health and need someone to talk to, help is available.
I am obviously not the only person who has been affected by Liam’s passing, so I wanted to share some posts from others that have aligned with me emotionally.
